Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
