I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
