If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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