I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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