My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
