My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
