I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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