Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize