the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
