Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
