After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
