drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
