OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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