Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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