I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My feet surprised me
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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