Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
