My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
