are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
