The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
