I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
