let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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