i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Dear god my vagina.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
