my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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