Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
