Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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