we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
