True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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