She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
