It's like a parade of train wrecks.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
