What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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