There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
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You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
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HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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