4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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