I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I fill condoms, not promises.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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