I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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