walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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