"it" just moved
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
