i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
