weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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