i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
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I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
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drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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