I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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