sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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