He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
