weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
