you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
