I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
