Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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