so that wasnt chicken after all
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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