I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
