Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
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On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
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Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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