dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
