Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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