i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
