Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
