I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You are the jesus of drinking
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
