I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
