The maid of honor just puked.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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