her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
