She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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