Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Can i not drive my cunt home
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
