The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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