So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My vagina is officially offended.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
