Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
this boner is exhausting
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
