I've blown a few things in my day
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
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Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
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Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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