I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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