I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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