i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
