just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
